08/15/2008

We have been having problems with our shipping calculator, but the problem has been fixed! Sorry for the inconvenience. If you ever notice a problem with the website please send an email to: granny@oldtimestories.com. We always appreciate constructive criticism… well, most of the time

 -Joseph Mazerac

08/05/2008

I was able to get together with Kevin Kirby, the co-author of ANDY, Book 2 and we signed about twenty Special Edition Book 2’s. I signed all of the Special Editions, but only these few are also signed by Kevin, so if you want one, it’s first come first service. The Special Edition only cost $8.50, a dollar more than the retail edition. If you want one click HERE.

-Joseph Mazerac

07/25/2008

Wednesday last week  I had my first book signing. It was at the International Christian Retail Show in Orlando, Florida. I arrived in Orlando around midnight the night before the signing and was rudely awaken several times throughout the night by rowdy vacationers. I drug myself out of bed at 6:30, ate breakfast and drove over to the convention center. Storm clouds were brewing. The humidity was already quite balmy. I was dead tired. Faaaaantastic.

I hiked about half a mile to the registration booth and picked up my Exhibitor badge. Piece of cake. Because of my fancy-schmancy Exhibitor badge I was able to breeze through security and peruse the exhibition hall prior to its opening to the general convention goer. I cruised over to the STL exhibit (STL- Send The Light: OTS’s distributor). Where were my books? The ANDY books were supposed to be displayed at the show. I got there on a Wednesday; day three of the four day event. If my books had not been there for days one and two that would be devastating. I approached an STL rep and asked about my books. Apparently the person who I needed to talk to wasn’t there yet. Faaaaantastic.

Stuffed into the trunk of my car were three big boxes of comic books that were to be given away at the signing. I asked an STL rep where I could stash the books and she directed me to a table neatly tucked away in the back of their exhibit. That was where I would sit and sign books. Really? At the back of their exhibit? Away from everything? In a place where no one would even know the signing was happening? That’s what I drove all the way down here for? Faaaaantastic.

I could already feel the convention sucking my life out and I had only been there an hour. Before the convention opened and it got too hot outside I wanted to get the books out of my car. I made the trek back to the parking lot and as I fumbled for my keys a woman looked over at me and said, “You better get your umbrella. You’re gonna need it.” I didn’t have an umbrella. I’m not an umbrella carrying kind of guy. My philosophy about umbrellas is that I’d rather get rained on than carry an umbrella all day. On top of this, I was starting to get nervous about the signing. I’m not exactly an introvert, but I’m not exactly an extrovert either. The idea of having to put on a happy face and represent OTS in public wasn’t exciting me at the moment.

I needed a pick-me-up. I called my wife and told her about the morning and how I needed prayer in a major way. She said she would pray for me and that she missed me and the boys missed me. Things started to turn around after that.

I miraculously unloaded a dolly and the three heavy dust and dirt covered boxes from the back of my filthy Camaro without getting dirty smudges all over my khakis. Two of the boxes were double-boxed so I whipped out my trusty Gerber pocket knife and made quick work of the outer boxes discarding their shredded remains into the open rear hatch of the car. I even remembered to bring along bungee straps to secure the boxes to the dolly, thus avoiding a spill similar to the one that ravaged my washing machine back in June of this year. And the sky, while threatening, held off the rain. Thank you, Jesus for small wonders.

I made it back to the STL booth and stowed away the books. Also, with the help of an STL rep I managed to find ANDY, Books 1 and 2 proudly displayed. I had simply overlooked them. It was about 9:45 AM and the signing was at 11:00. I took a little time visiting vendor’s booths. There is a lot of really cool stuff at ICRS. It’s like the biggest Christian book store/gift shop you could ever imagine. They have the nicest clothes, art, and trinkets, and the best selection of Christian media you have ever seen anywhere. And what a variety of people; believers from every Christian culture. From the shouting black guy in the tailored suit and the handkerchief folded into a crown poking out of his breast pocket to the little old lady with a homemade dress and a little bonnet. There are nuns and there are guys from bands with spiked hair and torn blue jeans. I even saw some of the classic TV evangelism stereotypes with the big hair, blow-dried, blasted full of super strength mega-hold hair spray, and molded into perfectly smooth helmet shapes. You’ve got to love those guys.

Then it was time to get back to the STL booth for my signing. I got to the booth and to my great surprise, they had moved the signing table right out to the front of their exhibit. My signing started at 11:00 and was set to end at noon, at which time another author was scheduled, but we had such a good turnout that at 12:00 they set up another table for me and I continued signing until almost 1:00 when I had to leave for another meeting.

I met lots of interesting people. My favorite was probably a teenage girl who was their with her grandma. The girl was an artist and I first met her as she sat on a bench sketching a picture of a manga style girl. I sat down next to her and introduced myself, telling her that I drew a comic book called ANDY. She showed me several of her drawings, which were quite good. She made it a point to come by my signing and get a couple of books.

That afternoon as I left the convention center I called my wife and told her the good news, that the event had gone well and I had actually enjoyed myself. She told me she had been praying for me and I let her know that I appreciated it and it had made all the difference.

-Joseph Mazerac

07/23/2008

Hello everybody, 

I just wanted to let everyone know that my new book, ANDY Book 2 is now on sale at the Old Time Stories website, www.oldtimestories.com. Thank you to everyone who has purchased books from me in the past and I sincerely appreciate all future business. The official release date for Book 2 is in September, but we have the books available now and are releasing them early exclusively on the website.  

As an added bonus if you type in the redemption code GRANNY at checkout you will receive 10% off your order! 

Also, it would be fantastic if anyone wanted to write a review of the book. ANDY Book 1 is for sale on Amazon.com and it would be awesome if anyone who has read it… and liked it… would take a moment to write a review. So far no one has written any reviews of our products on Amazon or the OTS website. So, if someone feels frogy hop on over to the website to buy some cool stuff and write some reviews! 

Thanks to everyone who helps make Old Time Stories and ANDY possible!

 -Joseph Mazerac

07/20/2008

On Friday I went to see the new Batman movie, The Dark Knight. What a great movie. I am sure it will be remembered as one of the best super hero movies ever. Batman and The Joker together again on the big screen. That idea had me remembering the first Tim Burton Batman film from 1989. That was nineteen years ago! I was a kid then. I remember going to see it on opening night with Jeremy McPherson and his dad. We were middle-school friends. I remember we went to the theater hours early to get our tickets then went out to eat before going back to the theater to watch the movie.  

The Burton film seared into my brain. I must have seen it twenty times. No, thirty times. Maybe even forty. Jack Nicholson gave one of his most memorable performances and that’s really saying something and Michael Keaton played his part masterfully. I haven’t seen the ‘89 Batman in quite a few years, but I still remember tons of lines from it.”Where does he get those wonderful toys?”. And “I want you to tell all your friends about me” -”Who are you?”- “I’m Batman.” And then the infamous “You ever dance with the Devil by the pale moon light?”  

In ‘89 The Joker was kind of funny… in a disturbed way, of course. The Heath Ledger Joker was more scary than funny. Ledger played the part perfectly for the serious tone felt in The Dark Knight. I’m partial to Keaton’s Batmobile. I always thought that was the coolest looking car ever. Christian Bale’s “Tumbler” Batmobile is great. I have no complaints. I just like the low slung lines of the ‘89 car. Christian Bale’s performance stands out over Keaton’s. Bale is probably one of the best actors of his generation. If you don’t believe me then you haven’t seen The Machinist. He’s really a great actor. Ledger was a fine actor and he played a fantastic Joker; as good as anybody could have, but overall, I would say that Nicholson had a more memorable performance, largely due to the writing. In ‘89 The Joker just had so many great lines.  

Was The Dark Knight the best comic book movie ever? My previous top five were the ‘89 Batman, Superman Returns, X-men, Sin City, and Batman Begins. So how does The Dark Knight compare? It beats Tim Burton’s Batman. I loved Superman Returns, but it beats that. X-men was just plain fun, but The Dark Knight was probably better. About a year ago I stopped watching movies with nudity, but before that, Sin City was among my top ten all-time favorites. That may disturb some of you, but I like a dark gritty film. Sin City was the truest comic book to film adaptation ever. Needless to say, it was for adults only. I like movies for adults and language and violence never bothered me the way it does some people, but unfortunately the nudity makes it unfit for Christian consumption in my book. If I were still a Godless heathen I’d like Sin City better than The Dark Knight. Also, Sin City was the best sounding movie I ever heard on my surround sound. Let me assure you that I am not recommending Sin City. I actually do not recommend it, but if they made a version with no nudity, I’d own it. And The Dark Knight stands out over it’s predecessor, Batman Begins, so I would say The Dark Knight is the best comic book movie ever made.  

-Side note here: The Dark Knight is a very dark movie and comes dangerously close to being rated R. There were a few violent scenes with obvious cuts to avoid the R rating. I would not recommend this movie to younger viewers.

06/16/2008

 I was listening to the radio today and heard something very disturbing. It was a commercial for the Bose QuietComfort 2 Acoustic Noise Cancelling headphones. No doubt they are very impressive headphones. I’d love a pair. I’ve never heard them, but I have heard other Bose sound systems and they have been, across the board, quality products… expensive, but still, quality. So, what was so disturbing?

What bothered me was that Bose offered a payment plan for the headphones.. That’s right, a payment plan. Sorry folks, but if you’re looking at a set of headphones so expensive you cannot afford to pay cash, then you are looking at the wrong headphones. If you’ve just financed headphones, it’s time to take a step back and give a long hard look at your spending habits.

I’ve seen equally ridiculous ads for designer watches, fancy model cars, and even little Thomas Kinkade snowy villages. If you are tempted by the line “…or six easy payments of….” you should probably invest some time at this website: www.daveramsey.com. Dave Ramsey is a guy who gives all types of financial advice and helps people put their spending habits into perspective. He is also a bold man of faith. He has a pretty cool radio show that you can listen to for free at www.klif.com, a talk radio station, so they also have guys like Glen Beck, Bill O’Reilly, and Michael Savage and I’m not endorsing any of them, or for that matter I’m not endorsing KLIF, but that station has streaming audio for free over the Internet and they carry Ramsey’s radio program. Ramsey’s show comes on from 1-4pm in Texas. I think that’s the Central time zone, so adjust accordingly to wherever you’re at.

-Joseph Mazerac

06-03-08

I’m moving into a new house and yesterday I dropped my washing machine off the back of the moving truck. I didn’t know a washing machine looked like that under the thin metal skin. When moving big heavy things you’re supposed to strap it to your dolly, but I never do that. So, yes, it’s my own stupid fault.

And you never realize how much useless stuff you have until you try to move it all.

I went through the whole house before moving and got rid of everything I could, but inevitably when moving into the new place, I discovered mountains of useless stuff that should have been sold or discarded. For example, I have a surround sound system that came with two metal speaker stands that I’ve never used. I’ve moved those speaker stands three times. I should throw them away. Why do I keep them? I have an old cow skull. Why do I have it? I’ve probably had that skull for fifteen years. I’ve got a bunch of art from when I was a kid. I’m kind of attached to some of that, and that is understandable, but honestly, am I ever going to frame and display those old drawings? I doubt it. I’ve also got several long boxes full of comics, not counting “the good stuff”, a bunch of old baseball cards from the 80s, and about a hundred movie posters from back in my theater management days. I ought to sell all that on Ebay.

This is my thought process when I think about those old baseball cards. First, I recognize that I have a problem. I have a bunch of old baseball cards taking up space and I don’t even follow baseball anymore. Second, a solution pops in my head. I could sell those cards on Ebay. Third, doubt creeps in. What if I listed them all on an auction and they only sell for fifteen bucks. Wouldn’t that be a terrible price to sell my entire card collection? Or what if I have some real treasures tucked away in there? Or who would want to buy the hundreds of Jose Canseco cards? (That guy used to be so cool back in the day.) So, I do nothing.

I’ve got my stuff, but my wife is just as bad. She has enough Christmas decorations to completely redecorate the entire house. It seemed like every other box on the moving truck was marked “snowman”.

The kids have a lot of stuff, too. Like a bouncy seat, toy box, gobs of toys and clothes, a sand box and little plastic swimming pool, a baby swing, etc, etc, etc. I have no idea what we’re going to do with all of that baby stuff in a few years. I guess we’ll give it all away.

For a short time between living in our old house and living in the new one, we rented a little trailer and just brought with us what we needed. I hardly missed anything that was in storage. My wife and kids went to visit the grandparents for a little while after Dylan was born and I missed my X-box when they were gone, and I did miss my drawing desk, but that’s about it.

That about sums it up. I think I’m actually going to make some changes. When I get settled in I’m going to go through my stuff and lighten my load…

…but wont I be kicking myself someday if I actually sell all my old comics and posters and baseball cards? Maybe I should just talk about selling them and not actually do it. I could get rid of the cow skull and speaker stands. That’s a nice compromise.

-Joseph Mazerac

05/13/2008

I’ve been overhauling the website (www.oldtimestories.com). I’m trying to put a little more content on the Home page. Also, you might notice a link to some comic strips about a character called Super-Computer. I came up with that character last week and thought it was a funny premise. Basically, Super-Computer is your regular run of the mill, household desktop, but he has a cape and can fly. He doesn’t really do much. He pretty much just goes around talking to things. Anyway, I thought it was funny, but so far, my feed back has been mixed.

Below I’ve attached a Super-Computer comic strip and you can click on it to see more. I’ll be adding new comics from time to time…. maybe once a week…. so if you like it check back.

Also, big news- I had a beautiful baby boy born on 04/24/2008! His name is Dylan Michael Mazerac and he weighed in at a whopping 9.5 lbs!

Later- Joseph Mazerac

This morning I tried to put a shoe on the wrong foot. Thankfully, I usually manage to put on my shoes without incident, but occasionally stuff like that happens. When I was a little boy someone, no doubt my Mom, had to take time to teach me how to put my shoes on. It seems so simple, but I bet I had trouble with it at first. My niece, Lily, is three and I noticed last time I visited my brother, that little Lily could put on and buckle up her own shows. Impressive.

My boy is less than a year and he’s totally oblivious to the whole shoe-putting-on phenomenon. I could sit him down and say, “Now William, listen up. This here is a shoe and it goes on your foot. From now on, when we’re getting ready to go see Grandma, you need to track down your shoes and put them on.” But, That wouldn’t do any good. The poor little fella just doesn’t understand complicated stuff like that yet.

I imagine to God, we’re a lot like a little kid who just hasn’t quite figured out how to put on his shoes. God says, “Don’t lie. When you feel like lying, do not do it. It’s not good. I understand all things and I an sure, lying is bad.” But there we go- from little white lies all the way to the big humdingers. I imagine God looking at us shaking his head thinking, “Why do they do that? I’ve told them like a million times already.”

God teaches us very carefully all kinds of simple little things like; Do not dwell on lustful passions. Love others and be good to them even it they are not good to us. Do not give into hate and anger. Forgive others. We are not very good students. That’s pathetic, isn’t it? These are the things we are supposed to do as Christians. We are actually supposed to live holy. Now there’s a concept. It’s easy to get onboard with ideas like, Jesus died on the cross so we’re now able to call God, Daddy and not worry about having to pay the piper for our sins. But, out of appreciation of that, we’re actually supposed to live holy. At least try to live holy.

If I asked you if you were going to live holy today, what would you say? The answer should be an enthusiastic, “Yes!” the problem is that we’re used to sinning, so we have no real expectation that we could stop sinning if we tried. And so, we don’t try very hard. We should try. Nowhere in the Bible are you going to find God teaching us that holy living is not to be strived for. Nowhere are you going to find God teaching us that holy living cannot be accomplished. Nowhere does Jesus say, “Even if you try to vanquish sin, you’ll still go on sinning, so don’t worry about it.” That’s just not in there.

Sinning is like trying to put a shoe on the wrong foot. It does not fit. If we sin it should make us very uncomfortable, like wearing a shoe on the wrong foot. If you sin and still feel comfortable, that is a very good indicator that your spirit has been badly misshapen, like a right foot that feels comfortable wearing a left shoe. That should scare you.

How might you react if looking down you discovered that you had two left feet. I imagine you’d go wide-eyed and do a neck wrenching double take before passing flat out. How much more terrifying should it be to discover our hearts and souls have been deformed to accommodate sin? That should cause us to scream out in horror, “look at me! I’m hideous!” But, there is still hope in the world. The great unfailing light that refuses to go out, or even flicker, the blood of the Savior, like a magical potion, can make us right again with God.

 -Joseph Mazerac

Can someone please explain to me why it’s impossible to go to a small church without having to sit through some housewife murdering a Rich Mullins song on Church Karaoke? This has to be my numero uno pet peeve in small churches.

It’s cute when the kids do it. Or if it’s a couple of fourteen year old girls with rehearsed dance moves, then okay. I can live with that. That might even be entertaining, but the inevitable 40-something who hasn’t done a solo since high school- completely unacceptable. It always sounds bad.

Some of you reading this may have participated in Church Karaoke. Repent! Here is a simple rule. Unless you are actually a GIFTED singer, do not do a solo. And just because some of your friends have said that you sound nice, that is not good enough. They are most likely lying. I’m sure William Hung, the Asian guy who brutalized Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs” on American Idol, had plenty of people telling him he sung like a heavenly bird, but the fact is he was probably one of the worst song killers of all time. (Note: I actually like William Hung. He seems like a super nice guy, but he can’t sing.)

There is a chance that you actually can sing, but this needs to be verified before you perform in public. You might want to try recording yourself and then playing it back. If it sounds horrible, do not make the common mistake of thinking it’s just a bad recording. Bad recording or not, that is how it’s going to sound piped through your church’s sound system.

I love to sing. I sing in the shower. I sing to my little boy every night, and he gets a big kick out of it, but I have no delusions of grandeur. It’s just that my little boy isn’t picky. And he probably thinks that I’m just talking funny.

Singing to and about Jesus is a mighty fine thing to do. I encourage everybody to do it, but a solo in church is supposed to inspire the congregation. If you discover a beautiful Casting Crowns song that moves you deeply, you may want to share the song with your fellow worshipers. Okay, but unless you sing better than Mark Hall, just play them the song as it is recorded on their album.

But even then, you may discover it doesn’t take hold of them the way it does to you while you’re driving in your car. I’m not sure why this happens, but it does. I once went to a very small church in a little town where they simply sang along to songs being played on a portable CD player. They had done this for a few songs and then a woman got up and gave a little speech about how a particular song had touched her. She was emotional. She put the song on and watched in horror as we all sat there, virtually unmoved by the song. It was a train wreck. The song was good, but good music has a lot to do with environment. That’s why there’’s a lot of flashy lighting at a concert, and a concert at night or in a dark auditorium is probably much better than the exact same performance in broad daylight. If you’re stuck in traffic and your favorite song comes on the radio, you can crank up the volume and sing along as the world around you fades and the physical act of driving goes into autopilot. That’s a completely different experience than playing the same exact song in church as people sit there in the pews.

Here’s a few pointers to quality musical performances in church:

1. Know the limitations of both the sound system and the performers. If you have a singer who sounds like Celine Dion, but comes out through the speakers sounding more like C3PO, then maybe it’s better not to have people sing through the mics at all. And if you’ve got a rocking sound system and a person who sounds like Mr. Hung wants to do the dreaded karaoke jam, it may be better, as gently as possible, to refuse the offer. Even if a church’s resources and musical talent are quite limited, it still has to do the best it can. But doing the best it can may include not doing some things it’s particularly bad at.

2. Know your strengths. If you can get a choir together and make that sound good singing the classic hymnals, then do that. If you want to do the Casting Crowns song, but do not have a band, maybe a guitar or piano player can learn the song to accompany a soloist.

3. Work on the lighting. Dimming the lights in the sanctuary and lighting the stage can completely change the mood of a performance.

4. People need to praise the Lord with their fellow believers, so get it done somehow.

-Joseph Mazerac